There are way too many lists telling couples how to do V Day right. What about people brave enough to ride solo in a world that celebrates heteronormative romantic relationships?
This one’s for the real legends.
1. Remember most couples aren’t as happy as you think
Yep. It sure seems toxic to feel better about other people being unhappy. But when everyone seems to be celebrating their unbridled love, it can feel kind of good to know everything isn’t quite as it seems.
In fact, a 2014 study found people who post on social media about their partner are more likely to be insecure in their relationship. So behind every vomit inducing gratitude post is a high proportion of less than perfect relationships. Revel in this. But don’t tell too many people as you will definitely seem like a bad person. (You’re not, because that means I am.)
2. Avoid social media
Avoid any social media (or internet) on Valentine’s Day at all costs. And the day after, because it’s Valentine’s Day in the US and other countries far away, and they’re just as annoying about it too.
Even if you know social media is a highlights reel (AKA full of shit), it still stings seeing people go on about how great their relationship is, especially if you’ve been through heart break or feel kinda lonely. Make life easier for your gorgeous self by avoiding the spectacle that is V Day on the line.
3. Feel the feels
This one isn’t that fun, but if you feel sad then give yourself space to feel this. Cry into a pillow. Cry in the car. Cry on the street. I personally have done a lot of street crying, and have found nobody really cares that much. Once I even received a free brownie at a café because they felt sorry for me.
If you need to share your feelings, talk to a safe friend or call Lifeline. They’re like a caring friend whose feelings you don’t have to care about in return. And, they’re trained to support people going through stuff, so unlike your mother, they say all the right things. I call them quite often, especially when I am sad. (The number is 13 11 14.)
4. Remember why you’re single
Maybe you left a toxic relationship. Maybe you got dumped and are slowly realising they were never right for you anyway. Maybe you’ve been single for years, and deep down yearn for a healthy and loving partnership. Whatever the reason, remember that you’re single because you aren’t willing to settle.
Anyone can get a partner. You want a good one that makes your life better. Or maybe you don’t want one at all. Either way, you are an incredible human living a rich and interesting life. Having a romantic partner does not make you more valuable as a person. That is some BS we’re fed to make us freak out and partner up with some loser who refuses to do inner work and thinks liking Joe Rogan is a personality trait.
5. Embrace your relationships
We put way too much weight on romantic relationships. It’s actually kinda sad, because so many people don’t get to enjoy the wonderful and rich connections of amazing friends, pets and if you’re lucky, family you actually like being around. So, lean into friendships that make you feel good.
Organise to hang with these people on Valentine’s Day. Watch a movie, go to the beach, eat something fucking delicious. New research shows single women (without kids) are actually the happiest of all demographics, so you’re probably having more fun than everyone else anyway.
6. Don’t go out unless you’re emotionally ready
If Valentine’s Day is a big trigger, going out can be a mega bummer. I know this, because one V Day me and my squad decided to go to the beach then eat dinner, but the beach was littered with couples, and the restaurant was booked out because of couples, and it was all kind of shit.
If this is likely to bother you, then I recommend a house hang with wine, friends, takeaway and hopefully snuggly pets. This is way more fun than being knocked back by restaurants packed with tables for two and overpriced set menus.
For some reason our brains like to remember past relationships way more favourably than they were IRL. This is why psychologists recommend writing down every annoying thing about an ex, then reviewing this list when you feel nostalgic or sad about them.
There is a Good Riddance List in the break up activity book Jade and I made for you. As well as other activities to help you feel better about your breakup. Download it here and go through the activities for some crass comfort.
8. Watch what you watch
If you’re going to enjoy some quality streaming on V Day, then be careful what you watch. Romantic comedies, or anything that celebrates romance will probably make you feel like shit. Holocaust movies and dramas will make you feel like shit for other reasons, and remember, your goal is to not feel like shit.
Jade and I compiled a list of stuff to watch when you’re going through heartbreak. It includes movies and TV shows that are awesome and stupid and funny, which is exactly what you need right now. Check out the blog here.
9. Buy the pain away
Buying stuff feels really good, so if you have spare change and there’s something you’ve been eyeing for a while, today’s the day to add to cart. I bought a mat for my beach cabana the other day, and the emotional high lasted at least 48 hours.
It doesn’t have to be expensive. New nail polish from Priceline is my fave personal pick me up. Maybe you’d prefer a new plant, art supplies or a sex toy, because you’re more likely to orgasm on your own then with a romantic partner anyways. (Watch this space for our 2023 Valentine’s Day Gift Guide.)
10. Don’t swipe
Being on online dating over Valentine’s Day can bring up mixed emotions. I personally think it’s better to stay the fuck off and lean into celebrating your awesome self, as well as existing relationships that light you up.
If Greg from Finance is the right person for you, they will still be there tomorrow. Of course, if chatting with potential matches makes you feel genuinely better, do it. But, if you’re swiping for a boost in self-worth or to just to feel good in general, then you’re going to feel even worse than before if things don’t go well. And unfortunately, online dating is a wild wild place where douche canoes and honest to goodness awesome people collide. So swipe at your own risk.
The end of the blog
Remember. You fucking rule. V Day is just a stupid day. If you need some more crass comfort, listen to our podcast.