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Ep. 14 Why do breakups hurt so much?

By Sarah Robinson on September 15, 2020

Jade accuses Sarah of assault then has an asthma attack. Everybody lives. Sarah talks through an activity in F*ck off and die that uses the negativity bias to your advantage. She also talks about how much she likes her vagina.

A listener asks Jade why it takes so long to get over the pain of a break up. Jade drops some PHacts (the PH makes the facts cooler), and we marvel at how evolution makes our bodies feel really sad during times of heartbreak.

Show notes

Listener question

Why does breakup pain last way longer than you want it to?

  • fMRI studies show our brain’s physical pain centres responding to the emotional pain of breakups.
  • It takes about 6 weeks to adjust to life without your ex, 12 weeks to feel better.
  • For a long relationship it can sometimes take a whole year to work through each triggering event in the calendar.
  • Sometimes you lose a piece of your identity and you need time to rediscover yourself.
  • It helps to know you’re not alone. It takes the time it takes and it won’t help to pressure yourself to feel better on a deadline.
  • Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or talk to a friend or therapist if you need help moving on.
  • Breakups don’t have to leave you broken – a TedTalk by Gary Lewandowski.


“Everyone talks about how hard it is to trust people after you’ve been hurt. But barely anyone talks about how hard it is to trust *yourself* when you’ve had your gut instincts and convictions skilfully undermined by someone.”
–  @itsjacksonbbz from The booty is not an apology

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert

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