Jade answers a listener question from someone who wants to know how to convince the ‘love of their life’ to take them back. We discuss whether it’s ever a good idea to fight for love, or let it go.
Sarah shares her tested step-by-step guide for getting the fuck out of the house you shared with your ex, post break up. This advice isn’t for women escaping domestic violence though. (Just regular toxic relationships.)
If you need support to safely leave a domestic violence situation please visit 1800 Respect, or phone 1800 737 732 for professional advice.
Show notes
Get the fuck out of there – a guide for getting out of the home you shared with your ex.
- If you have to move out of the place you had together, you need a plan.
- But you’re probably a mess, so we’re gonna help you make it.
- If you are escaping a domestic violence situation this plan is not for you. Please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit their website for safety planning and other important information that will support you.
What to do
- Get a crew. Seriously. This is WHEN you call in the favours you never called in before. Ask your dad, your cousin, your siblings, your mates. The more people the quicker it will be. Think of it like ripping off an incredibly sad and painful band aid.
- Write a list of what needs to be moved. Cause you don’t know what you’ll feel when you’re in there. Even if you think you’re fine and you know it’s the right thing and you’re dealing with your feelings, sometimes stepping into that place and moving can be a big fucking hit to the heart.
- Give the list to your most pragmatic friend/ helper. So they can keep on task
- If you do need cry and be a mess, it’s okay.
- Make sure you have a sanctuary to go to. If you’re temporarily moving in with someone, set up the room as soon as you get home. Make the bed, put a nice lamp next to it, and a plant or something. Make it a nice place for you.
- When you have to move out of your shared space, one of the hardest things is that you are grieving in a place that doesn’t feel comfortable or known. So if you have parents to go back to, that you like being around, then do that. Or just make a sanctuary wherever you are. Take the time to do it! You’re tired but you’ll thank yourself later.
Listener Question
I just got dumped by the love of my life and I can’t accept it – how do I convince her that this is a mistake and take me back?
- Say what you need to say. If you feel you need to apologise for your behaviour, or you want to make it clear how you feel – do this.
- Then, if they don’t change their mind, walk away with your head held high.
- Sometimes we need to play things out. If you don’t tell them, you may always wonder ‘what if’.
- But once you have done this, accept their decision and head towards the people that make you feel loved and whole.
- Also. They are fucking stupid and you are great.
Quotes
- “Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable.”
– The Noel Langley, The Wizard of Oz
- “Stop doing wife shit for dudes who deserve cold ravioli out of the can sis.”
– @sydneymast13 Twitter