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Ep. 19 How to date without using dating apps

By Sarah Robinson on December 1, 2020

Jade answers a listener question about how to date without using dating apps. Turns out you totally can meet people IRL, although it may mean putting down your phone.

Sarah talks about the science of friends – how many to have, and what kind of people to avoid. Turns out smoking durries is just as bad for your health as having draining folk around you.

Show notes

Science say that when it comes to friends, it’s quality (not quantity) that counts.

  • Several large studies have found that friends contribute to a healthy life. For example, a famous longitudinal study of 15,000 septuagenarian Australians, published in 2005 found that the size and strength of a person’s circle of friends, but not necessarily his or her family, predicted survival a decade later.
  • Similarly, a 2010 meta-analysis (a quantitative review) found that in data across 149 studies, having strong relationships, whether friends or family, was as powerful an indicator in predicting longevity as smoking or abusing alcohol.
  • Another interpretation is that friends offer stress relief, thus helping to ward off the physical toll of turbulent times. A 2012 study found that among 4,530 women diagnosed with breast cancer, women with strong social support—defined as having people who will listen, help out in times of sickness, or offer money or a place to stay when needed—had significantly lower rates of mortality than those without someone to turn to for comfort or aid.
  • Yet women who spent their time with people who require a great deal of care—particularly children, siblings or parents—had higher mortality despite having many social connections.
  • Having a big social circle is not enough to reap the health benefits of friendship. A large network is helpful in that you are less likely to overburden one or two core companions. Yet an abundance of needy or unhealthy colleagues impairs well-being.
  • Psychologist Shelley Taylor from the University of California says… “A person needs at least one confidante. More social ties are better than fewer, unless the networks are divisive.”
  • In friendship it is quality, not quantity, that matters most.

Listener question

I’ve been single for ages and I am fed up with dating apps – is there any other way to meet people now days?

  • Go places alone, and while you’re out – put your phone away!
  • Get your friends together and go to new places  to meet different people.
  • Try new hobbies/classes/sports.
  • Make small talk in lines/at bars/at the dog park.
  • Ask friends to set you up.
  • Use professional match makers.
  • Speed dating.
  • More on why Jade left dating apps.

Quotes

  • “The world is full of lonely people afraid to make the first move.”
    A quote by the character Tony Lipp from the Green Book (played by Viggo Mortensen).

Our socials are shitty enough to be good.

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